HIPP Review of ALICE IN WONDERLAND

ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Let’s see…how do I do this right? I mean, I don’t want to sound like a pretentious boob and use huge words linked together in order to make any reader feel dumbed down. So I’ll keep it VERY SIMPLE.

WAS IT A GREAT MOVIE?

No.

OKAY…WAS IT A GOOD MOVIE?

Yes, but not a good 3-D movie. When the 3-D happened it was so distracting that the content of the story was sold short in place of a sight gag. I mean, come one! This is a Tim Burton movie!!! When it was dark it was DARK—but then the 3D nonsense came in and brightened everything up again. So, on a scale of 1-10, I give this movie a 6. And that’s a Tim Burton 6. In MY WORLD Tim Burton movies are graded kinda like this: SLEEPY HOLLOW is an 8.5. ED WOOD is an 8. CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY is a 4. PLANET OF THE APES is a 2. SWEENEY TODD? THAT film is ALMOST a 10. It’s a 9.5. It lost half a point for the cheesed CGI opening credit sequence.

JOHNNY DEPP AS THE MAD HATTER?

Not as crazy as he should have been. He’s crazy on a level that kids won’t understand. One thing kids WILL understand is the way Depp channeled Jack Sparrow throughout the flick. I’m serious. He did a bit of Sparrow’s walk and really did his run. My son, Avery—age:10, said THAT once we got in the car after the screening. “Dad, did you see how he acted like Jack Sparrow?” You know what would hav

e been AMAZING? Do you? I’ll tell you—MICHAEL KEATON. Michael Keaton, in a tribute to Beetlejuice, would have been perfect as the Mad Hatter. Trust me. And Keaton was, at one time, Tim Burton’s “Johnny Depp.” Think about that

one and you’ll get it.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK?

The story. I wasn’t sure if I was watching a remake, a re-imagining, a sequel, or an alternate universe version of the classic tale. That’s no good.

WHAT WAS THE BEST PART OF THE FILM?

That is super easy. I never thought I’d say these words, while thinking about super hotness, but ANNE HATHAWAY.

Holy Testicle Tuesday! She plays THE WHITE QUEEN…and if you know ME—you know I have a huge goth fetish. I was captivated by every second she was on the screen. Here’s my proof:

WILL I BUY IT ON DVD?

Yes. But only so I have films I can show my kids in order to dodge the bullet that is known as “Disney Straight to DVD Sequels.”