THE FACTS OF LIFE

Effective May 1^st, things are going to change for HIPP NIGHTS.

Usually, I pepper my posts on this blog with opinion. When I’m on the air I try to always let my emotions dictate my actions. Yeah, I’m sure that there are people who will tell you that you need to check your emotions at the door, but guess what: I’m a human being, asshole. I bleed.

The reason for the preceding paragraph is simple: I’m only going to state FACT. No commentary. I have a feeling that you will be able to come up with your own opinion.

I know I have.

Again, effective May 1st, things are going to change for HIPP NIGHTS.

AT THIS POINT I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.

I AM A LIAR. I AM GOING TO FUSE PERSONAL OPINION INTO THE FOLLOWING FACT:

A good friend, and a man that I'm stoked to hear on the station, Dennis George, has convinced KTRS that his show is needed for the masses...and thank God, too. Seriously, he's the real deal. Very cool guy...so, moving forward, after May 1st, he will be doing a show every Sunday from 8-10pm.

As cool as it is to have DENNIS GEORGE get a shot on Sunday...now let's get back to 100% FACT...This knocks Bill Clevlen out of a slot. So, in order to keep his trivia show on the air, KTRS management decided to place him on Saturday nights.

So, starting May 1^st, Bill Clevlen will be on from 9-11pm.

So far you get all this, right?

On guy comes in, gets a show, and instead of that show replacing Bill's completely, management is making the decision to move Bill's 2-hours into the time slot that was given to me for Hipp Nights.

So they took HIPP NIGHTS and cut it by 2 hours. Leaving me to do 6-9pm.

Again, let me state that I am only giving you FACTS and NOT opinion.

(Except for the part about Dennis George being a cool guy...that is, in truth, MY opinion...listen to him and make up your own mind)

So far, everything posted about this situation is 100% legit, factual & non-biased.

Let’s continue…

Now that the St. Louis Cardinals are back in full swing there are games being played a lot. All of these games disrupt the regular programming on KTRS.

On Saturday nights it is no different.

The Cardinals have afternoon games on many of the Saturdays for the remainder of the season. They also have games in the evening.

When a game is played in the evening, obviously, it will mean that Bill and I will not have shows.

When a game is played in the afternoon KTRS will not have regular programming begin until 8PM.

Although I have been given the slot of 6-9pm, when it’s time for regular programming to resume at 8pm, I will not be allowed to do my show. Instead, Bill Clevlen will be given an extra hour and do his show from 8-11pm.

Joe Hipperson, host of Hipp Nights, will be doing his show on Saturday nights from 6-9pm. Bill Clevlen will follow and do a show from 9-11pm.

Again, I’ll remind you that, in 100% fact, Bill Clevlen will be on at 8pm when the Cardinals have an afternoon game that allows regular programming to resume between 6-9pm.

Having just read over this entire post twice I would like to remind anyone reading it that I have not, in any way, stated my opinion about this set up. (Except, AGAIN, the fact that Dennis George is a kool kat. That's kool with a 'k.' That kind of koolness 'plays')

I only, sincerely want my audience of listeners to be made aware that YES, I have been given the shortened time slot of 6-9pm, but that there will be times when, following a Cardinal broadcast, if they tune it at 8pm, they will hear Bill Clevlen and not me.

All fact and no fiction...outside of a little D-George opinion.

And WHY? Why do I have a positive opinion about DENNIS GEORGE?

Simple, kids. Dennis George represents--ON THE AIR--everything that I strive to force feed down the throats of the privileged: RADIO should be HONEST & FUN. Listen to this guy and see if I'm wrong.

WHY I HATE JESSICA SIMPSON

I have never met Jessica Simpson. Outside of direct quotes, the following is my opinion.

JESSICA SIMPSON

First of all, Jessica Simpson is NOT your friend. I’m talking to all the women out there who were duped by Denise Richards and are now being manipulated by the udderless cow, Jessica. She’s better than you and she knows it. The reason why I need to spout truth like this is simple. My wife, salt of the earth & free thinking beauty, has been using our DVR to record some dumb as balls reality show starring the before mentioned stout starlet. And I say starlet loosely. Loose... Like a hot dog down a hallway loose, okay?

This show, called “THE PRICE OF BEAUTY,” is all about the flesh covered Miss Piggy jumping from one country to the next and interviewing people so they can see what “other people” find beautiful.

For the record, in an interview for the March 2010 issue of Allure Magazine, Simpson said that she is looking for edgier, more intellectual roles.

Now I know, because when I’m on the radio it happens all the time, that I could go ON & ON & ON about how draining it is to have this program on in our house. Even if I’m doing laundry and I’m in a different room—I can still hear the sound of her cheeks flap when she talks to the camera. Since I am fully capable of rambling I have decided to let FACTS set most of this up.


WHY EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HATE JESSICA SIMPSON

By Joe Hipperson, the best talk show host that doesn’t have a real, full-time show…and should…because talk radio is boring. Back in 2008 Jessica Simpson sang for The Rape Crisis Center in Las Vegas, at The Palms' Pearl Theater. "I think this will be a more passionate performance than most," Simpson told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. "It's important to make a stand for women's rights. If I can get up there and be any inspiration to women, I am blessed to have that opportunity."


She went on...


"The great thing…is it's a message of prevention," says Simpson. "I think it's important as a woman to lend a hand to other women and just try to encourage people that everything's going to be okay." So Jessica is all about women’s rights. I’m sure that if I walked up to her and told her that all women should be subservient to the men in their lives she would grab a reporter and talk about how terrible my words of hate are. But wait…there’s more. Jessica Simpson is on the May cover of Marie Claire magazine…AND she’s sans makeup or retouching.

Holy Lord. See ladies, she’s just like you! No, wait a minute…she’s not. All she cares about is the paycheck from her damn TV show. Without it she can’t afford all the food! Or she can’t afford all the doctors to make her thin when she needs to be. But don’t worry, squirrel friends, she’ll be sure to look “ugly/normal” again. Right about the time when she needs “regular” women to watch her TV show.

CARE2, a dumb-ass women’s rights website actually said, “It may not be worthy of a Noble Peace Prize, but Simpson's move is bold, especially in an industry that cashes in on the perpetuation of unrealistic beauty standards. The cover, a simple shot of Simpson against a wall, shows the star with a slightly uncomfortable smile that betrays a hint of insecurity. It's all fitting for a woman who has publicly admitted to battling low self-esteem.”


Wow…isn’t she a f*ckin’ saint.


Wait, she’s a woman. Can women be saints? I can’t remember anymore. I know women aren’t allowed to get all the bonuses that the priests get…

Woah—got to stay on point. Keep to the message.

Jessica Simpson sucks.

And so do feminists, now that I think about it.

CARE2, the go-girl website went on to print this: “in a sell-out moment, Simspon gave in to the pressure of the record industry and traded in purity for a newer, more Irresistible image in 2001. Thinner and scantily-clad, Simpson tossed aside power ballads for breathy synthesized songs with naughtier lyrics.”

Sell out? How is she a sell out? Because she looked hot? Let me tell you all something that NO ONE HAS THE BALLS TO SAY. Seriously, sometimes my Dad tells me to remember that you have to crawl before you can walk. Well, Dad, I love you—but I’m going to run with this.


IF YOU ARE NOT SELLING OUT THEN YOU AIN’T SELLING SH*T! Yeah, I know that “ain’t” ain’t a word. But it sounded better. It had kind of a white-trash vibe to it. Kind of a Jessica Simpson vibe.

So let’s look at what I just said before we carry on and continue to prove why Jessica Simpson is the worst role model possible for women. “If you are not selling out then you ain’t selling sh*t.” I don’t think anyone in St. Louis media—and yes, I AM part of the St. Louis media (even though most media members think that’s BS)—would ever say that or admit to it. We love to throw stones at “sell-outs.”

Sell Outs are people that do what is needed in order to make something of themselves. If you don’t have natural, God given beauty and you decide to get surgery to make things better—are you a sell out?


Nope.


Can I back that one up?


Sure.


Am I going to right now?


Nope.


Now, back to Jessica Simpson. Isn’t it GREAT that she is on the cover of Marie Claire? Oh ladies, ladies, ladies…how great that she is showing you ALL that you don’t have to be touched up to be beautiful!


(imagine me on the top of a mountain with a giant megaphone, screaming)


BULLSH*T!


Jessica Simpson has her own line of perfume, handbags, shoes, dresses, swimwear, intimate apparel, coats, luggage, sunglasses, and accessories.


AND SHE SOLD OUT WHEN SHE BY BEING SKINNY?


Right. Hey, feminists, just because she’s uglier than she used to be it doesn’t mean that she’s not milking every single one of you for your last dime.


Think about it. She was super hot and skinny when she first came out…and she was loved by—TEENS…then, the teens become women in their EARLY 20’s…now, all of her fans have hit the magic time of MOTHERHOOD.


You think Jessica is the Messiah of women’s rights and feminism…or a marketing genius?


NOW ON TO THE PART THAT GETS ME FULL CIRCLE. If you don’t buy into my opinions on Jessica The Hutt then please, pretty please, read this next part twice.


Jessica is praised by feminists and recently said, “It's important to make a stand for women's rights.”


Yesterday, on the DVR, my wife was watching a recent episode of Jessica’s reality show, “The Price of Beauty.” In the episode, titled TOKYO, Jessica and her friend went to the Far East...and learned how to be Geishas. Jessica sat, dumbfounded, while she was told how important it is to serve the man who pays for their company. She became very nervous that she wouldn’t do a good job.

Did you hear that, feminists? I guess the only women Jessica cares about are WHITE AMERICAN WOMEN.

Yeah, I said it.

Why?

Because there’s another episode that my wife watched called UGANDA. In this one, Jessica travels to a very remote location, where she meets Judy; an ambassador from a tribe that introduces them to the philosophy that "fat" is beautiful for women. The Hima tribe values their women as they value their cattle, "the fatter, the better". Jessica meets an upcoming bride who has been preparing for her wedding in a "fattening hut" for over two months where she drinks milk and "ghee" until she becomes fat—because that’s what the man wants. What do you think happens to the woman, in this remote tribe, if she decides not to obey? Did Jessica speak to her about women’s rights? The right to have the body you want? No. Instead, she laughed and salivated at the idea of getting locked in a “fattening hut” for two months.

Again, unless the women are white Americans, Jessica will EXPLOIT the abuse of females all around the world—ALL FOR RATINGS and MONEY.

The bottom line is this: Jessica Simpson and her (latest) reality TV show is further proof that ‘causes’ for the betterment and equality of human beings should never stake their trust and message in celebrity idiots.


Ladies, Jessica Simpson hates you.

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

FEEDBACK

Hey kids, Joe Hipperson here. This past Saturday I brought up PROBLEM # 27 from the "99 PROBLEMS" in the HIPP NIGHTS LIBRARY. In short, Jen "The Embryo Hoarder" from Kirkwood was given some serious attention from me, as well as the other guys in studio. Instead of re-hashing my (brilliant) opinion on the subject, I'm just going to share a couple random e-mails I got from some listeners:

Damn! I just hooted in the kitchen at your "shades of grey" comment. I don't know if I completely agree, but I love you saying it. Aside from my usual complaint of Hipp Nights being a sausage fest (maybe if a smart woman was in there, you'd know how 4 eggs got fertilized at the same time, etc.), but tonight's show is the FINEST I've heard you ever do imho. Great job, Joe!

Traci Kennebeck

Joe,

Thanks for the great entertainment, and informative programming.

I am not hip, but, I pretend.

Thanks again, you are one sexy sounding man.

rwc

Previously on Hipp Nights...

Did you miss it!?

Josh the Engineer Extraordinaire here, and if you didn't tune in this Saturday, you missed out on the first installment of the "Decades" shows, where Joe brings in his dad, John Hipperson, for an all-music show taking us through each decade, one Saturday a month. This being the first show, we started things off in the '50s, where times were simpler, family values were at the core of our culture, and Rock and Roll was just starting to show us what "hip" really means.

We started off trying to determine what the first "Rock" song was, and neither of them had to do with Chuck Berry, or his cousin Marvin....

"well listen to THIS...."

History will say that the first "Rock and Roll" song is either "Rocket 88" or "Rock Around the Clock" - What do you think?

"Rocket 88" - Ike Turner and the Kings of Rhythmor...

"Rock Around the Clock" - Bill Haley and the CometsIf I had to weigh in on my opinion, I'd go with "Rocket 88" - it's got a St. Louis connection in Ike Turner, plus the song is just much much cooler.

After softballing a couple more Fifties topics, we finally, ultimately, obviously landed on Elvis, and the unmistakeable mark he left on music...

...and fashion...

...and politics

Now, Landon and I have NO IDEA why this guy is so revered, but I guess we just don't get it. Sure, he's the King of Rock, and he sexed up America's youth with his little hip shaking, but to me he's just a truck driver from Mississippi. (note: a couple of callers were OUTRAGED that the two of us can't stand him, and we now have the first official Hipp Nights Death Threats)

So, all in all, The Fifties were covered ably by US and we just had to visit the FIRST decade of Rock and Roll in order to move on to the real deal - the 1960's

So if all of that sounds like fun, I urge you to tune in next month for our continuing saga of "Decades" featuring Joe and John Hipperson, the hippest father/son duo since John and Julian Lennon.

Now that's what I call a close encounter

ID4…2 & 3?

Yes, it’s true. Without getting into all the boring details, I’ll just throw you the juice.

WILL SMITH is set to return in TWO, filmed BACK TO BACK, SEQUELS to INDEPENDENCE DAY. (the cool kids call the movie “ID4”)

They are looking to shoot in 2011.

Yadda Yadda Yadda…

I’m not making this up—I’m just choosing to not quote all the misc places that this story is being buzzed about FOR A VERY GOOD REASON:

WHERE THE F*CK IS JEFF GOLDBLUM!?

No one is asking THAT question. And they should! Without GOLDBLUM this will look like all the other ‘dime-a-dozen’ Will Smith flicks. The only decent/original movie Will Smith has done in the past 10 years is HANCOCK.

INDEPENDENCE DAY is NOT the same without DAVID LEVINSON!

(yes, David Levinson was Goldblum’s name in ID4…I’m a Goldblum fan…he’s the man)

NO GOLDBLUM? NO ENDORSEMENT FROM HIPPERSON.

(I’m sure will smith is shakin’ over that one)

DO YOU REMEMBER ROCK & ROLL RADIO?!

It's the official return of the
ALL MUSIC TALK EDITION of HIPP NIGHTS!



You know what that means...my dad, John Hipperson, joins us as the co-host and pretty much calls the shots. He came up with an idea that I am very stoked about...

Each month we are going to reserve a Saturday night for ALL MUSIC TALK--and we are going to go DECADE to DECADE!

We start with THIS SATURDAY, March 27th--and we are beginning AT THE BEGINNING of Rock & Roll:

THE 1950'S!

So tune in, call in, and get HIPP--hell, OVERDOSE on HIPP with my Dad and I, joined by Engineer Extraordinaire Josh, Right hand man Dan Keller, and the only actor I endorse--Landon Shaw--this SATURDAY from 6PM 'til 11PM and only on the big 550, KTRS AM. www.ktrs.com